Bad Day For a Badass
by Divine Comedy 78
Summary: On the shooting of the next DMC, strange things happen...   Devil may cry belongs to Capcom, Bayonetta belongs to Sega and Reuben Langdon belongs to...himself


BAD DAY FOR A BAD ASS…

When Reuben Langdon meets his biggest fan, things don't turn out the way you might expect…

- And…aaaaaaction !

The mocap suit dressed man fell from the ceiling, tied by a long rope, and stopped only a few inches from the floor, followed by the multiple eyed cameras.

- Cut ! That was great Reuben ! But well, maybe you could come a little bit closer to the ground ? Dante must feel the demon's breath…

- My breath will feel the ground too ! Answered the tall and muscular stuntman.

- You're so good… begged the director, you just can't miss it !

Reuben sighed . He knew the risks, but he loved challenges…

- Alright ! But if I ever lose one tooth, you'll have to pay for this !

A little voice interrupted the negociations. A short coughing, then :

- Excuse me…

Both turned to the shy and thin young girl, whose eyes were aimed to Reuben.

- I'm sorry to bother you… I'm Emily Rose from the employment agency… I was sent to assist Mr Langdon…

Her eyes softened as she smiled ecstatically to Reuben. He glanced at the director, who wore a satisfied face.

- Oh, yes ! Welcome on board, Miss Rose ! Well, Reub, this is a kind of… reward to you. You are now a big star in in the mocap industry and well… you deserve to have an assistant…

- But I don't…

- Take it as a present… from my heart, for all you've done for us and for all to come…

Reuben looked at the girl. She seemed to be no more than 15 and her face was nothing but a huge smile to him. He could even swear he had seen little hearts flash in her eyes, like in a shojo manga…

- I'm totally yours, she said, blushing.

- Well…er…thanks…but…welll…what can I ask you to do ?

He regretted his words as soon as he had said them, as she replied :

- You can ask me everything… blushing even more.

- Bring him this energy drink he loves ! ordered the director.

- Oh yes ! Sure ! 5 Hour Energy berry flavour !

Reuben remained voiceless. She knew everything… Emily turned around, running to the catering table, almost falling when her feet got trapped into a camera cable. Reuben winced, not very certain this girl would fit the assistant shoes… She came back holding the small bottle. Reuben held out his hand.

- I'll open it for you !

She started to unscrew the cap, but for some reason, it resisted. She forced, and though he felt something might happen, Reuben didn't move. He should have… The cap suddenly surrendered, surprising Emily. Her hand let go, and the vitamined juice hit Reuben on the face ! If Reuben had been Dante, something red would have shown off into his eyes…

- Oh, I'm so sorry ! Let me wipe this out !

Reuben held his right hand.

- No ! Stop helping me ! I'll do it ! Give me a towel…

Reuben dried his face, then drank what was left in the bottle, giving it back empty, to the girl.

- Now it's safe… let's get back to business ! And you, stay back, please…

- I'm sorry…

Such a sad little face made Reuben feel a bit guilty. After all, it was her first day, she was impressed and trying to do her best; but being a little nervous…

- That's ok, he said. You didn't kill me… Try to calm down and you'll be good at it. For now, just have a sit and watch, ok ?

Smile was back on her face.

- Right, sir ! I'll find a place where I won't bother you !

- Do so… Well, can we start again ?

Once again, Reuben was tightly fastened with ropes and pulled up to the ceiling, head down. The rope had been allowed a few more inches so Reuben's nose would nearly touch the ground. Everything went well, and the director was satisfied with the shooting. Everyone around was applauding, and Emily sighed with relief. She had been so scared for him ! She leant again what she thought was a wall, and saw Reuben fall down to the floor ! Luckily, it was only a few inches fall…

- Who freed the rope ? Someone shouted.

All the eyes turned to Emily, who looked right behind her. She had accidentally pushed the release button, the one that makes the ropes fall from up there…

- I'm… she started.

- We know, « sorry » ! Said Reuben angrily while getting back to his feet. Don't you sometimes think there's a curse on you or something ? I'm not very found of these kind of things, but I must admit there's something weird with you ! No ! Please don't cry !Just… try not to touch anything else…

A bell rang in the studio.

- Lunch time ! Said the director's assistant.

Emily came forward, shily.

- May I…

Reuben sighed. He didn't want to be cruel. After all, she had done nothing intentionnally…

- Well… I suppose you can do me no harm by only eating at the same table as me… Come on !

Well, no harm for sure, but having lunch while somebody's watching you with the eyes of an unconditionnal love can sometimes be very uncomfortable ! Reuben managed to abstract himself from the loving face in front of him. He tried to distract her from her obsession.

- Can you bring me some coffee, please ?

- Oh, yes !

She ran to the coffee machine, while Reuben turned to the director seated near him.

- You wanted to make me a present ? He asked.

- Well, you're so busy sometimes… I thought it would be a good idea to have someone dealing with your diary or your little needs…

- This girl will never see my diary ! She's a poisoned gift ! Can't you call the agency for someone else ?

- Give her a chance ! Let her finish the day…

- If she doesn't finish me first…

Emily came back with a cup of coffee. She held it to Reuben.

- I've put diet sugar in it…

- Oh, thanks…

He took a sip of coffee… and spat it right back.

- What the… You've put salt in it !

- Well, I… Oh… I took the wrong bag…

- How could you ? Salt bags are green, diet sugar ones are yellow !

- I… I am … color blind…

Reuben sighed - again -

- How come we get one of the 0.1% color blind women ?

(He loves fun science facts, remember…)

- And don't say you're sorry, we know you are…

The next scene to be shot was a one where Dante was pushed back by a strong kick from an enemy. Reuben was tied by a harness keeping him off the ground, and he would be pulled back by a cable leading him onto a thick mattress put against a wall a few feet away. When everything was settled, the director called for action. The ropes started their job. In the same time, an assistant noticed Emily standing right beside the mattress.

- You're in the scene, leave the place, come on ! He shouted.

Emily obeyed, but her feet got trapped in the carpet, and she started to fall; her only way to keep her balance was to grip the mattress. But it wasn't heavy enough to prevent her from falling, and it came to the ground with her. At this very second, Reuben hit the wall where the mattress was supposed to be, and he fell forward with a scream.

- Cut ! Shouted the director, while evreyone rushed to Reuben.

- Man, are you alright ? Asked the director.

- Don't know yet…

He was on all fours, trying to recover his breath . A small voice came from behind.

- Help…

Everyone turned around. The mattress was lying on the floor, a single arm coming out from under it. Two men pulled it away and discovered Emily half stunned . Reuben had managed to get back to a vertical position.

- That's enough… he said. I'm sorry but… you are fired…

Emily got up , and smiled. There was no more love in this smile but some kind of strange arrogance.

- Fired, mmm ?

A violent wind invaded the place, as the first notes of « Fly me to the moon » started to float in the air. Emily started to grow taller, her hair getting longer and longer. She was no more the shy teenage looking girl but a sexy chick clad in black leather, wearing glasses and sucking a lollipop…

- This… is… started Reuben, eyes wide with astonishment.

- Bayonetta… went on the director.

- Hey, Dante ! She said. You're good at fighting demons, what about a little fight against a witch ?

THE END (or the beginning…)


End file.
